Finding your voice in those pivotal moments: How to speak up with confidence

We hosted our monthly WomanUP!® Live Show and this episode featured a very special guest, Candace Doby, founder of The Can-Do Company. She is a leadership strategist, author of A Cool Girl’s Guide to Courage, and a professional speaker. Candace helps organizations cultivate cultures of courage, enabling individuals to spend less time holding back and more time reaching their full potential.

HOW TO SPEAK UP IN THE MOMENT WITHOUT BEING “TOO EMOTIONAL”

The key is "emotional regulation." The phrase might sound simple, but there are multiple layers and considerations that fuel the process of keeping your fuels in check. According to research, three foundational factors support emotional regulation:

1. The ability to disengage from the intensity of the emotion

2. The ability to interrupt the cycle of negative cognitions (rumination, worry)

3. The ability to re-engage with the situation adaptively

STRATEGIES TO DISENGAGE FROM THE INTENSITY OF EMOTIONS

1. Breathe deeply. According to research, controlled breathing directly influences respiratory rate, and can produce immediate physiological and psychological calming effects. Intentional breaths reduce intensity of emotions and provide space to regain control of yourself in a moment of tension.

2. Label your emotions. Research shows that simply naming the emotion you feel (affect labeling) can help you create distance from it, reducing its intensity and duration. The Feeling Wheel, created by Gloria Willcox, gives you greater awareness of the range of emotions you could identify or experience in a tense conversation.

3. Tighten your muscles. Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR) involves tightening and then releasing a muscle group to help liberate physical tension. Research shows that this technique can alleviate emotional intensity by calming the body, which allows you to regain control over your physical and emotional state.

STRATEGIES TO INTERRUPT THE CYCLE OF NEGATIVE COGNITIONS

1. Get grounded. Emotions can hold you hostage in your head, when a moment for courageous action requires firmness in your feet. Grounding techniques, like the five senses method, help you reconnect with your physical surroundings. This reconnection process interrupts the emotional charge you feel and brings you back to the present moment.

2. Be mindfully aware. Practicing mindfulness involves observing your emotional state without judgment. By acknowledging emotions as they arise, you can prevent them from spiraling into overwhelming or unproductive thought patterns. This technique creates mental space for you to respond thoughtfully.

3. Pause. By intentionally pausing before reacting, you create space to respond strategically. The pause allows you to engage your cognitive processing system and shift from the emotional brain (limbic system) to the rational brain (prefrontal cortex).

   
   

Learn more emotional regulation strategies, such as cognitive reappraisal, progressive muscle relaxation, and pausing, before you find yourself in high-stakes situations. Access Candace Doby's Courage Now guide here. Learn more about Candace here.

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