Updated: Apr 7, 2021
This week, we have a special "Wisdom Session" style conversation with three magnificent leaders from EXIT Realty joining us for a conversation around “The Powerful Art of Asking”.
We’ve read the research and books sharing the stunning stats about women, negotiating, and the lack of confidence around “the ask”. Join these leaders as they discuss key reasons women rarely ask for what they need, want, and deserve at home and work and share stories and advice on how they can develop the crucial skill of confidently ASKING and negotiating to make their dreams a reality!
This week's wonderful welcome is for Tami Bonnell, Tina Hyatt and Sharon Henry:
Tami Bonnell is the Chief Executive Officer of EXIT Realty Corp. International.
Sharon Henry is the Real Estate Broker/Owner of EXIT Realty Quality Solutions in Georgia.
Click the image below to watch the replay.
Prefer to watch it on YouTube? Click here.
Let’s start with each of you sharing a story that highlights the power of ASKING for what you want! Tami: When your values line up with your dreams ,you can hang on to passion and create courage. Making an offer some refused, worked out well in the end.
Sharon: I told my then boyfriend, the father of my children, that we were getting married because I was tired of playing wife without all the legal benefits. We are married now for the last 20+yrs ! That was on the personal side. Then on the business side the day before our grand opening of our office I have to tell the fire chief that I needed our CO that day and I was not going to take no for an answer to stop jerking us around!
Tina: 2019, Breast cancer, I asked for the treatments I wanted (New, advancements, etc), I did the research, educated myself and then asked for what I wanted. Doctors tried to push me, scare me into certain directions. I really had to be firm and ask for what I felt was best for me. And Affirmations. I ask everyday for what I want through my affirmations. And they usually don’t let me down.
When you notice only or more men are applying for leadership roles or are making more per transaction - what do you do?
Tina: BUILD & LEAD by example. Building women, of all ages, up. Empowering them through example and education to build self-confidence, educate them on how to ask - build their confidence by increasing their skill levels. Teaching negotiation skills, scripts, etc. Teach them how to visualize themselves asking for what they want, rehearse the conversation, see it play out in their minds exactly as they would like it to play out. Much like professional athletes visualize the golf swing, or 3 point shot. We need to understand that it is ok to put in the order. If we never learn HOW to ask, and that it’s ok to ask, we will never receive. I see my female agents thrive when they are taught negotiation skills, scripts and skills for negotiating higher commissions, etc.
Tami: its so important to educate the next generation ,seeing a talent in someone ,helping them to become competent which promotes confidence, mentoring the next generation works best teaching through example and stories
Sharon: We need to support each other more as women. Encourage and motivate each other. Teach by showing examples to show other women that they too can do it.
How do you know when it is appropriate to ask for something and when it isn't?
Tami: I do more homework on individuals which gives me a great sense for timing and even leaning towards what is important to them Sharon: . And remember to trust our instincts and our intuition. Tina: I think on this one, we have a bit of an advantage … in large part intuition. I think women are much more in tune with energy and emotions and are more skilled at reading a situation. I think instinctively we know when it’s the right time to ask, we just don’t ask out of fear or lack of confidence. We watch as the moment passes us by. I have seen “the right moment” present itself so many times, and have watched it pass by out of fear. As women, we pay so much attention to how we may be perceived or how our decisions will impact others more than we ask how they will impact ourselves. In every opportunity, I try to ask myself, if she were watching, what would I want my daughter to see and learn from this decision, this moment.
How did you learn to master the art of conflict instead of fearing it? If you haven’t let’s discuss that, as well.
Sharon: When you are a strong woman in business you are often called all types of names. So I had to learn this at an early age to stand up to bullies and resolve conflict and not fear it!
Tina: This one is still a work in progress! I am constantly working on new skills for conflict resolution. My biggest take away on this one is to always try and avoid the knee-jerk reaction. Take a breath, take some time, think through the different reactions and their possible outcomes. If we live in fear of asking for something because of the potential for conflict, we will never progress. That being said, I often find myself, at work and at home, not asking for what I truly want because I don’t want to cause conflict. I feel like women are much quicker to wave the white flag because we are inherently nurturers. We don’t want to cause conflict or upset a friend, family member or colleague, so we are much more likely to back down and sacrifice ourselves to make others happy.
Tami: By doing and I focus on understanding the person as well as the circumstance.
What can leaders do to inspire more women to ASK for and negotiate what they want/need?
Tina: Be the example. Lead by example. Show our children and young women how to live confidently and ask for what they want or deserve. Teach them that it’s not only ok, but it is imperative that they ask for what they want. Change our vocabulary. We need to teach our youth and society that assertive and bossy are not negative adjectives. Women who achieve at a high level are driven and motivated, not cold and intimidating. We need to support each other, not tear each other down out of jealousy, fear or ego. There is more than enough opportunity and success to share, we truly should be straightening each other’s crowns, not knocking them off.
Tami: I always remind them it is just a conversation - Crucial Conversations is a great book, but I also have phrases that are genuine that help address issues in the best way possible. 1 minute of preparation saves 1,000 minutes of stress.
Sharon: Lead my example each one teach one. Give each other a helping hand..
Final Words of Wisdom
Sharon: Always give each other some grace! Be our sister’s keeper, fix each other's crown because we are all a reflection of each other. Remember is not about being the best, it's about making everyone around you better. Tina: One of my all time favorite quotes was made famous by JFK, “A rising tide lifts all boats”. Coincidentally, President Kennedy was the first to champion equal pay when he signed the Equal Pay Act back in 1963. If we focus on educating and building the confidence and expectations of our young women as they grow up, changing the narrative, we will eventually change this phenomenon. Tami: surround yourself with positive people in two areas - those who are positive and lift you up( even pushing you out of your comfort zone) and those that keep you grounded
Learn more about and connect with Tami, Sharon & Tina: Ways to get in touch…
Tina Hyatt: https://exitrealty.com/agent/Tina/Hyatt/162872
Did you miss a past episode of our Weekly UPdates + Wisdom show? No worries, we've got them all HERE.